Showing posts with label ultramarathon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ultramarathon. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

I'M BACK!

Long time no see...


Where have I been?!

I know it's been a while since my last post. 7 months to be exact. There have been a lot of changes in my life that contributed to this absence, plus a lot of soul searching that got a bit in the way of blogging. 

When I finished my last blog post in April, I had finished my first ultramarathon and was at a high point personally, but a low point professionally. I was super unhappy at the company I was working for, although I loved the industry and job position I was in. It took me a long time to think through what was making me unhappy, and decided to take the plunge and change jobs. Since then, I have moved to a much happier place with Fleet Feet Sports in Menlo Park, but the transition between jobs was tougher than I imagined it would be. 

I attempted to make this job transition while also training for back to back marathons, planning my honeymoon, transitioning my run group, trying to create (2!) new companies, and creating a new outlook on life for myself. It was just too much.

Needless to say, I ended up getting a little lost in all this, a little confused, and a lot busy. This lead to me performing poorly and peaking too early in my training, gaining too much weight, and culminated in a much to be desired performance at my marathon, Bizz Johnson, as well as a downgrade from marathon to half marathon in Nike. 


I'm smiling in this picture of myself at NWM 2012, but really inside I was super disappointed in myself for not being able to complete the full.

I felt a overwhelmed and disappointed in myself after these two races, and I let all the things I was attempting to change in my life spiral out of control. My goal of getting my race directing company off the ground in 2012 didn't happen. My performance I was hoping and had been working for at my marathons didn't happen. My hard work at my previous job was ending up having to be squandered. All these negative points in my life during the last part of 2012 are the biggest reasons I haven't been blogging. I honestly just felt like nothing I was doing in my life was going anywhere, and I was incredibly disappointed in myself and a little ashamed to show that disappointment to the world.

I realize now that was probably a mistake. I should have written about it and shared it with the world. Not every race is a victory, not every run feels good, not every job turns out the way you wanted it to, and sometimes things take a little longer than you thought. I think expressing my feelings through writing might have actually helped me figure out where I was mentally with everything, but I guess that is a mistake I have hopefully learned from now. 

Where I am now!


Anyways, after Nike, I decided to take some serious time off from racing. I needed a reset. I needed to realize where I was in my new job without letting the pressure of ongoing races get in the way. I got some needed rest with my honeymoon to Kauai and I got home feeling refreshed emotionally, but still not ready to seriously get into running. When I returned, I got better adjusted to Fleet Feet and really allowed myself to become a part of that incredible environment. I also took some more time off from seriously running and decided to recommit myself to my run group which had always centered me. 

Hawaii really helped me in remembering how to be in happy in life.

These decisions really helped me to remember why I loved running. 

Everyone I work with at Fleet Feet loves what they do and helping people find that love too. Period. That kind of passion is pretty infectious, and it helped me bounce back from my jaded, negative view of the running industry and infused in me a sense of purpose at the store and in my own running. I found a new family and a new set of friends with my coworkers. They make me so happy to go to work everyday, and I had forgotten how good that feels. The most important thing is that I feel so wanted there, and like I'm truly a part of something.

How can these people not make you happy to go to work everyday?!

I also realized what a wonderful family I had in my run group, and this reinvigorated me to get more serious about being an organizer for the group. I threw myself back into organizing, relearning my love for getting people together to engage in a happy and healthy activity. I also decided to do an end of the year gathering, and it made me realize all over again how much I love organizing these weekly runs with my good friend Mike. I've realized more than ever right now how much of a sense of purpose Go Far has given me. 

Some of my favorite people ever at Go Far's 2012 End of the Year Celebration.
Throughout all this hard internal and external work at my job and my run group, I still had no desire to train or race. Then a friend of mine at my new workplace started talking to me about this amazing race in Oregon, the Gorge Waterfalls 50K. For the first time in almost 5 months, I started feeling excited about running again. So now I have a brand new goal for a new year in 2013. 

Goals for 2013


I have lots of plans for 2013. I want to perform at my peak performance for Gorge. I don't want life changes to get in the way of my major goal. I'm the heaviest I've been, well, ever in my life, and it's time to get it under control. Losing weight will help me ultimately perform my best at Gorge. I want to continue to work hard at work, but also remember my own personal goals for race directing and try to focus more on that this year. I don't want to promise myself I'll get it off the ground this year and end up being disappointed in myself if it doesn't happen. I just want to do my best and see what happens. My final goal is going to be to run fewer races in 2013, but to run those races with a high quality and high intensity. In order to do this, I'm going to try to run 2013 miles in 2013. I'm going to run way fewer races in 2013 than I did in 2012 (I ran 14 races, all at least half marathons in 2012). 

So, expect to see many more blog posts from me this year than last year. I'm excited to show you my progress in my 4 major goals for 2013:

1. Lose 28 pounds
2. Perform at my peak ability at Gorge Waterfalls
3. Do work on getting my race directing company off the ground
4. Run 2013 miles in 2013

I hope you enjoy the journey and I can't wait to share it with you. That's all for now!

Remember, keep running!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Peanut Butter and Pink Flamingos

It's official. I am now an ultra marathoner! I completed my first ever 50K last weekend at Inside Trail Run's Woodside Ramble.

The week leading up to the run, I was super super nervous, but oddly not as nervous as I was for my first marathon. I think mentally I was in a lot better place and I felt well rested overall except for some lingering issues with my hip. This was also going to be a much smaller race than Nike, so it felt a little more like another run through the woods and less like a huge milestone. The main thing I was worried about was the weather forecast. It was beautiful all week, except of course, for Saturday, the day of my race.

The morning of the race I woke up to hear the unfortunate sound of drizzle on the roof. I was pretty upset by this turn of events, and I triple checked the forecast to see what the weather would be doing for the rest of the day. Apparently it was supposed to stop raining at 9AM and be clear until around noon, which was great news for me and made me feel significantly happier about running 31 miles that day.

And then we got there. And the weather moved from a slow drizzle to a full rain. I was NOT happy. The weekend before I had done Badger Cove in the mud, and I swore to myself then that if it was raining I would drop out of the 50K. But, of course, I am stubborn and I decided to press on. I guess stubbornness is good when you are about to embark on an ultra marathon. Josh and Mike were partners in crime that day, with Josh running the half marathon and Mike also running his first ever 50K!

So after we parked and I went to the bathroom a bajillion times (really only twice, haha) I realized I had LOST my Ipod!! DISASTER! I started freaking out and asked Josh to run back to the bathrooms for me to look for it. He came running at the last second with it, apparently it was in my pants pocket the whole time. Thank god! Now the race could get started. And start it did! Here I am getting going: 


You can also see Mike in front of me in this picture, where he stayed for the duration of the race. He totally rocked it and had a great performance for his first ultra.

In my mind, I broke my run up into 5 legs. The run to the first aid station, the first to the second aid station, the loop around back to the second aid station, the run between the second and first aid station, and then the run back to the finish from the first aid station.

I started off really strongly. I was feeling pretty good and making reasonably decent time. There were two major climbs in the run, the first of which was in that first leg. We had to climb about 2000 feet in 5 miles. This was actually not that bad. I ran for a majority of the time, and I felt awesome. Usually I end up walking on hills, but the fact that the 2000 feet was over 5 miles really made it more of a gradual climb, which was awesome. I was feeling awesome, it was drizzling but not raining too hard, and I had some surprises in store for me. Like this one:


Danni was working the first aid station, and she put up a sign to cheer me on! It was AWESOME! I have never had a sign at a race, and it put a huge smile on my face. Having these guys on the side of the trail was also hilarious:

As I was passing them by they did the wave. Too funny. So I made it to the first aid station to see Danni's happy face, and it was awesome to have a friend out there to cheer me on. She was a huge trooper being out there for 8 hours working the aid station in the rain. Here I am, clearly not aware of how much pain I would be in when I returned to this point in 6 hours:


A little damp, but not too wet quite yet! Also in a rookie move, I didn't eat anything through my entire first leg besides Shot Bloks. I arrived at the first aid station, figured I was feeling fine, and did not partake in the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. BIG mistake.

So my first leg was done, and I entered into the second leg. This was a 6 mile long portion that was on the Skyline trail. And I hated every minute of it. One of the best things about running anything longer than a half marathon with CTR or ITR is that there are no mile markers. You can just kind of lose yourself in the run and when you get to a major landmark you are happy you made it that far. Skyline trail, however, has a mile marker at every mile for 5 miles. It made me realize how slow I was going, how long it was taking me, and overall put me in a BAD mental state. Not only that, but I was starting to feel a little tired and I was really regretting not taking a quarter sandwich at the first aid station.

I ended up leap frogging with another lady who was actually doing the 30K, so that helped pass the time a bit. It was also cool to see the first place half marathon and 36K runners zoom by me and then see them again on their return trip. These were all welcome distractions to a torturous 6 mile segment. 

I was just about to give up on myself when I saw PINK FLAMINGOS! This was amazing! Ken, the volunteer working the second aid station was bravely out in the rain in the middle of the woods all by himself. I have never had a more awesome aid station experience than Ken's. He knew exactly what I needed and took care of it and imparted some words of encouragement and advice. He made me a PB&J and sent me off to my third leg.

The third leg was the longest (har har to all you Ragnar-ians out there), coming in at a whopping 8.9 miles. The first half of the leg was awesome. It was all downhill and I was feeling great with the energy boost I got from the PB&J. I even saw a family of 10 or so deer who were chillin' next to the trail. There were a few actually on the trail and I ran next to them for about .2 seconds before they ran away from me. I really wanted to try and catch one and ride it back to the start line :-p

The second half of this leg was OK, but ended awfully. This section was the second major climb of the race with another 2000 feet of climbing over another 5 miles. This time I was a lot more tired than I was for the first climb, and I implemented my walk a minute, run a minute game plan. This worked for the majority of the run, but I ended up just completely exhausting myself. I walked for close to 15 minutes of the last mile. I finally got to the top, and ran back to my happy pink flamingo-d aid station.

Ken took one look at me and was like, have you been eating? Now, I had gone into this ultra with a similar game plan as my marathon. I'd eat two Bloks every 30 minutes and drink water as necessary. I was also going to add in eating a quarter peanut butter sandwich at each aid station.

However, I totally underestimated my state of mind 18 miles into the run. It had started raining a LOT more, the trails were really messy, and I was expending a lot more energy than usual in a race. This all lead to me completely losing track of when and what I had eaten. I forgot to eat a couple times, only figuring out I hadn't eaten when I felt completely spent on energy. Ken saw this pretty quickly when I slogged myself into his aid station, and gave me a half of a sandwich to take with me on the run.

This is probably one of the only things that got me through my fourth leg. This PB&J was one of the most heavenly things I had experienced during the entire race. And then I was back to the dreaded Skyline Trail. This time it was even worse, as I now KNEW there were mile markers, and I really started struggling.

It also didn't help that the trails had deteriorated at a rapid pace with the increasing amount of rain we were receiving. The trails were no longer actual trails and more like a combination slip and slide and stream. It was completely impossible to not run in these mini streams the rain and trail had created, and my feet promptly got soaked. It had been raining the entire time, and I found myself developing irrational hatred toward the rain and the trees. I got really sick of hearing the sound of raindrops on leaves. It was kind of like Chinese water torture. I just wanted the sound to end and just have silence.

But, silence was not in store for me. It kept raining, and raining, and raining. The mile markers came by more and more slowly. I started imagining I was seeing things on the trail. I'd think I saw a small animal run by or something moving off to the side of the trail. I'm pretty sure there was nothing actually there. I guess that's what running 24 miles through the rain while forgetting to eat will get you..

I finally finished this leg, and made it to the final aid station. Danni had moved her sign, and it was glorious to see it. The final aid station meant I had run 26 miles and that I only had 5 more ahead of me. If there was any way for me to feel any emotion at that point, I'm sure I would have been pretty happy. Here I am, making my grand arrival: 



Josh was awaiting me, having completed his half marathon, and Danni was cheering me in. 

At this point, I am completely soaked, undernourished, and mentally defeated. I also didn't realize it, but the temperature had dropped 10 degrees while I was out running. It was about 52 when I started, and by the time I made it to the final aid station it dropped to 41 degrees. Danni and Josh took one look at me and realized I was freezing. I had no idea, I couldn't really feel anything. During the run my fingers had started turning white and I had to rub them on my capris to get blood flow going again. 

Danni said they had extra arm sleeves at the aid station, and Josh said he had my gloves, but in my current mental state I was like, I don't need this! Then they were like, YES YOU DO. Josh and Danni made me at least put my gloves on, but that was a pretty big task for me at that moment. Here I am struggling to get them on while stuffing any calories I could into my face:


I was really not a happy camper at this point. But, I only had 5 miles to go, and so I carried on. Josh told me that Isaac had come to celebrate mine and Mike's 50K victory, so that gave me more push to carry on to the finish line.

And so I was off. This was probably the worst 5 miles I have ever run in my entire life. It was now pouring. I knew how cold I was, and the PB&J I had at the last aid station made me feel like throwing up. Plus I really had to go to the bathroom, but I knew I probably wouldn't be able to maneuver that kind of forest foray at that point in the race. So I just kept trudging on. 

I completely lost it mentally at this point. I started having incredibly complex thoughts as, wow, that moss covered tree looks like a dog. And, huh, it is really wet out here. And, Oh there's a tree on the side of the trail. I'm sure having a conversation with me at this point would have been enlightening. I also started singing to myself out loud, laughing for no apparent reason, and crying for no apparent reason. I was a complete mess.

About 50 minutes into the final leg, I started convincing myself that I should have finished by now. I started freaking out. I could see the yellow trail markers, but I convinced myself I was going in circles. I started panicking and I'm sure if you saw me you would have thought I'd been chased through the forest by some psychopath murderer. I had seen no one besides the aid station volunteers for pretty much the entire race. So essentially I was running for 7 hours at this point by myself through the middle of the woods. I was terrified. I also didn't drink any more water cause I had to go to the bathroom so bad, and I stopped eating because I thought I was close to the end. It was not a good situation. 

My new rule for ultras: Never Assume Anything. Always stick to your plan, no matter where you are in the race.

I kept looking at my map and trying to figure out where I was in accordance with the actual trail markers so I could gauge how much more I had to go. The only problem with this was that at each trail intersection there was a different end point described and I didn't have the mental facilities to orient myself. I finally saw a trail marker that pointed to the park we started in, and the marker said I only had .6 miles to go. I was thrilled.

FINALLY I saw the trail marker "FINISH" ahead. I started laughing hysterically for some reason, and ambled on ahead. Here I am making my blistering entrance to the finish area:


I DID IT! I FINISHED! I was so so so so happy. AND FREEZING. I have never been colder in my entire life. I started shivering uncontrollably and I didn't stop until almost an hour later after I got to the after race restaurant and got a cup of tea in myself. Here I am now that I could stop moving in a forward motion: 


Talk about Crazed Meghan face. Danni kind of looks a little scared of me haha!! But I was done, and happy that I had accomplished this huge goal I have had for myself for some time. I finished in 7:29, and I was ecstatic that I could stop running and eating Bloks. And wear a sweatshirt.

This was a really difficult accomplishment for me, but in retrospect it was actually easier than my marathon. Trail running is amazingly gentle on your body compared to road running, and I had none of the body complaints I did during Nike. My knees and ankles felt fine, my hip was ok (until later that evening) and I was in way better condition finishing 31 miles on trail than I was finishing 26 miles on pavement. I knew what I was going to have to deal with mentally from my marathon, but the ultra pushed me further than 
I thought I could go.

So there it is! My first (and definitely not last) ultra! It was a ton of fun looking back on it, and now I know the areas I need to work on for my next one. Figuring out food is going to be key, working in more frequent longer trail runs is going to be really important for me, and hopefully I won't have to deal with the weather for my next one. 

I'm really happy I did this, and I couldn't have done it without my partner in crime, Mike. He was up for long runs whenever I wanted during our training, and he was the rock I needed on longer runs to get me to believe in myself that I could do this 50K. He did amazingly in his first ever 50K, and I think it is safe to say we will both be back out there doing it again soon.