Long time no see...
Where have I been?!
I know it's been a while since my last post. 7 months to be exact. There have been a lot of changes in my life that contributed to this absence, plus a lot of soul searching that got a bit in the way of blogging.
When I finished my last blog post in April, I had finished my first ultramarathon and was at a high point personally, but a low point professionally. I was super unhappy at the company I was working for, although I loved the industry and job position I was in. It took me a long time to think through what was making me unhappy, and decided to take the plunge and change jobs. Since then, I have moved to a much happier place with Fleet Feet Sports in Menlo Park, but the transition between jobs was tougher than I imagined it would be.
I attempted to make this job transition while also training for back to back marathons, planning my honeymoon, transitioning my run group, trying to create (2!) new companies, and creating a new outlook on life for myself. It was just too much.
Needless to say, I ended up getting a little lost in all this, a little confused, and a lot busy. This lead to me performing poorly and peaking too early in my training, gaining too much weight, and culminated in a much to be desired performance at my marathon, Bizz Johnson, as well as a downgrade from marathon to half marathon in Nike.
|I'm smiling in this picture of myself at NWM 2012, but really inside I was super disappointed in myself for not being able to complete the full.|
I felt a overwhelmed and disappointed in myself after these two races, and I let all the things I was attempting to change in my life spiral out of control. My goal of getting my race directing company off the ground in 2012 didn't happen. My performance I was hoping and had been working for at my marathons didn't happen. My hard work at my previous job was ending up having to be squandered. All these negative points in my life during the last part of 2012 are the biggest reasons I haven't been blogging. I honestly just felt like nothing I was doing in my life was going anywhere, and I was incredibly disappointed in myself and a little ashamed to show that disappointment to the world.
I realize now that was probably a mistake. I should have written about it and shared it with the world. Not every race is a victory, not every run feels good, not every job turns out the way you wanted it to, and sometimes things take a little longer than you thought. I think expressing my feelings through writing might have actually helped me figure out where I was mentally with everything, but I guess that is a mistake I have hopefully learned from now.
Where I am now!
Anyways, after Nike, I decided to take some serious time off from racing. I needed a reset. I needed to realize where I was in my new job without letting the pressure of ongoing races get in the way. I got some needed rest with my honeymoon to Kauai and I got home feeling refreshed emotionally, but still not ready to seriously get into running. When I returned, I got better adjusted to Fleet Feet and really allowed myself to become a part of that incredible environment. I also took some more time off from seriously running and decided to recommit myself to my run group which had always centered me.
|Hawaii really helped me in remembering how to be in happy in life.|
These decisions really helped me to remember why I loved running.
Everyone I work with at Fleet Feet loves what they do and helping people find that love too. Period. That kind of passion is pretty infectious, and it helped me bounce back from my jaded, negative view of the running industry and infused in me a sense of purpose at the store and in my own running. I found a new family and a new set of friends with my coworkers. They make me so happy to go to work everyday, and I had forgotten how good that feels. The most important thing is that I feel so wanted there, and like I'm truly a part of something.
|How can these people not make you happy to go to work everyday?!|
I also realized what a wonderful family I had in my run group, and this reinvigorated me to get more serious about being an organizer for the group. I threw myself back into organizing, relearning my love for getting people together to engage in a happy and healthy activity. I also decided to do an end of the year gathering, and it made me realize all over again how much I love organizing these weekly runs with my good friend Mike. I've realized more than ever right now how much of a sense of purpose Go Far has given me.
|Some of my favorite people ever at Go Far's 2012 End of the Year Celebration.|
Throughout all this hard internal and external work at my job and my run group, I still had no desire to train or race. Then a friend of mine at my new workplace started talking to me about this amazing race in Oregon, the Gorge Waterfalls 50K. For the first time in almost 5 months, I started feeling excited about running again. So now I have a brand new goal for a new year in 2013.
Goals for 2013
I have lots of plans for 2013. I want to perform at my peak performance for Gorge. I don't want life changes to get in the way of my major goal. I'm the heaviest I've been, well, ever in my life, and it's time to get it under control. Losing weight will help me ultimately perform my best at Gorge. I want to continue to work hard at work, but also remember my own personal goals for race directing and try to focus more on that this year. I don't want to promise myself I'll get it off the ground this year and end up being disappointed in myself if it doesn't happen. I just want to do my best and see what happens. My final goal is going to be to run fewer races in 2013, but to run those races with a high quality and high intensity. In order to do this, I'm going to try to run 2013 miles in 2013. I'm going to run way fewer races in 2013 than I did in 2012 (I ran 14 races, all at least half marathons in 2012).
So, expect to see many more blog posts from me this year than last year. I'm excited to show you my progress in my 4 major goals for 2013:
1. Lose 28 pounds
2. Perform at my peak ability at Gorge Waterfalls
3. Do work on getting my race directing company off the ground
4. Run 2013 miles in 2013
I hope you enjoy the journey and I can't wait to share it with you. That's all for now!
Remember, keep running!
Remember, keep running!